What Does Your Shore Look Like?
by Chuck Pattishall on 09/14/11
Today's life is filled with distractions. Ever have your mind focused on something and all of a sudden, some outside influence comes in and competes for the prize of your mind? I know you do especially if you have kids!
Believe me, as a parent, I know exactly what this means. Ever try typing an article for a newsletter you need to get out on a deadline, it's late in the day and your webmaster needs the article ASAP? Oh, I forgot to mention that the biggest football game of the season is on, and your twelve year old daughter needs help with her math homework that needs to be turned in first thing tomorrow morning and, well, you get the picture.....
We always say that "life happens" and I know that most of you have heard it's not the hand that's dealt to you; it's the way you play it. Well, the person who wrote that was a card player locked in a cave somewhere, not someone who had a critical business meeting to go to and their daughter had a big volleyball game she wanted you to attend at the same time!
I want you to do me a favor. I want you to stop for a moment and close your
eyes. Take some deep breaths and forget about everything that's going on in
your head and picture for me what your shore looks like. I know, "what my shore
looks like?!" Is this guy crazy? Hang on a second and let me explain. When I
talk about your shore, I mean how you want your life to look like. Look to the
horizon, look out across that vast expanse of the sea, and tell me what the big
picture of your life looks like. Begin with the end in mind.
Got it? Good. Now that you have this picture firmly placed in your mind, I want
you to come back to now and look at the things you need to accomplish. Remember
the football game, newsletter and daughter's homework? What would you say is
the most important now? I know for me that all three of my little girls have
grown up so fast; it seems like I just blink an eye and they've grown and they're
going to be out of the house before I know it. As I stand on that shore, I know
that I would look back and tell myself that the football game could wait, I'll stay up a
little later and finish the article, and that that closeness I will feel
with my daughter while helping her with her homework is irreplaceable.
Oh, and the volleyball game? Was the meeting THAT critical? What's more
important, the meeting, or the look on my daughter's face when she makes a
great spike and looks up in the stands to see her father smiling ear to ear?
And shouldn't I have put her game in my calendar so that when the office wanted
to schedule the meeting, I could tell them I was busy and to schedule it for
another day?
We all have things that vie for our time. We can certainly make mountains out
of mole hills, can't we? The next time you feel the pressure, and you will,
start with the end in mind. Picture your shore at the end of your life and look
back. You'll be able to tell yourself what's really important and begin to live
the life you deserve. And that's really what it's all about, isn't it?
By the way, I cheered my head off at the volleyball game......
Labor Day: Another chance to look into the mirror of the future!
by Chuck Pattishall on 09/06/11
Labor Day. A day of BBQ's, fun, relaxation and the beginning of the end of summer. What does it have to do with looking into the mirror of the future, you may ask? It's funny, because I would've thought the same thing yesterday when we celebrated this happy day and I was at the helm of my new BBQ grill cooking a feast for my family.
You see, I was sitting at the table with my wife and we were talking about the beginning of school for the girls (Yea! Oh happy day if you're a parent!), when she told me about a conversation she had with my oldest daughter. They were talking about the events of 9/11 and why it's such a significant part of our nation's history and the reasons why we should never forget such a tragic event.
The conversation topic moved to the people most affected by the event, the victims. My wife was telling our daughter that these people had no idea what was waiting in store for them as they got up to start their day, have breakfast / coffee, get dressed and make their way to the office. What were they thinking? What do you think of on your way to work? I bet I think of the same things too. I've got a book to finish, marketing to do, oh yeah, a volleyball game to watch at the high school tonight... You get the picture.
Life can change forever in one little split second. One minute, you're worried about a project deadline and the next? Well, that deadline doesn't mean that much anymore does it?
The conversation got me thinking. Am I doing all that I am capable of doing to live a fulfilled life? Sure, there will be problems, but am I doing what's truly important to me? Telling my wife and children how much I love them on a daily basis? Making a positive impact on those lives I interact with each day and not let "the small stuff" irritate me like I let it do? It's funny, because I'm very guilty of taking things for granted, and I really don't want a tragedy to occur to jar me back to the reality of what's really important. I kind of think we're all a little like that....
So I'm looking into the mirror of the future. Looking back at what I know I can be tomorrow and promising myself that I will give it my best and try to keep things in perspective and not take things so much for granted.
Oh yeah, and that I won't eat so much dessert next year!
Facing Fear
by Chuck Pattishall on 08/30/11
Facing fear is one of the toughest things we have to do in our life. Especially when we want to face the faults we have that are blocking the very future we want to create for ourselves. The first step is being brutally honest with ourselves and facing those nasty things we have tucked away in the basement closets of our mind. One way we can start is by writing down the things we're not happy about. Doesn't sound fun, does it? It's about this time when the fear will start to set in, but I would like you to take it one step more. Just after writing down a quality you don't like, immediately write down what you can start to do TODAY to change and decide to do it!
Facing our inner self is scary enough as it is, but once that is done, and what a great accomplishment it is, we have to go further. We have to have the courage to decide, in spite of our fear, to move forward and jump into the life we know in our heart is rightfully ours. Starting right away to change things for the better takes the sting out of fear.
Let me tell you about something that happened to me to drive this point home. Years ago, I was involved in a daring rescue on the Oregon coast. Two boys were climbing a shear vertical rock face when the Pacific tide came in. Not being able to climb down, they climbed higher. One boy fell to his death on the rocks below, while the other clung motionless on the side of the cliff frozen with fear. As a medic on the High Angle Rescue Team, I was at the top of the cliff with the team looking down at the boy who was a few hundred feet up. The team leader looked at me and said, "You're going over to get him, and we'll lower you down."
All of a sudden I was frozen with fear. Even though I had trained for this type of thing for years, fear overwhelmed me. Would the rope break while my team lowered me down and I fell to my death? Would the boy try to grab me and fall to his death when I got to him? Would the team be able to pull us both back up? I had a decision to make and no time to make it. I couldn't "put it off until tomorrow."
Sometimes we have to push through fear and "make a decision to make a decision." The good news is that if we push against fear, it will always give way! Oh it will try to push back, but you can always be assured that it is no match for your resolve and will relent to your courage. Have hope! Take courage! Isn't it wonderful to know that fear will always lose? It won't go without a fight, but you will always win the battle!
Let the urgency of the moment propel you forward and give you the momentum to push against that fear. The more you push, the more confidence you'll have as fear gives way to focused action. By the way, I went over the cliff, lowered by my teammates, and was able to get the boy in my rescue harness over the objection of the raging tide below us and the team pulled us up safely to the top of the cliff. I was only able to do this because I had to push through the fear to do what I was meant to do. The next time you face fear, remember it is a sheep in wolf's clothing. Pull off its disguise, and push through to the life that you know you can have!
Recognition / Being honest with yourself
by Chuck Pattishall on 08/25/11Recognition / Being honest with yourself
This morning, I was thinking about why we, as leaders, make mistakes and what those mistakes can mean to us. In my book that's almost finished, I talk about recognition and being brutally honest with ourselves. As I sat down to type this article, it occurred to me that we sometimes may have a problem with being honest with ourselves because we don't want to confront a bigger issue. To be honest with ourselves, we will have to face an ugly side of us we'd rather not face.
It's not easy seeing our mistakes that we've committed in this life and having to admit that we screwed up. It's embarrassing, it hurts, and we don't want to do it! As I type this, some past mistakes of mine are circling around in my head, and I'm getting sick just thinking about them. But how do we deal with this issue?
One of the first things we can do is to start focusing on one word. What's the word, you ask? Forgiveness. Now I'm not trying to get all mushy on you, but I want you to stay with me on this for a moment. The reason I want you to bear with me is because I'm thinking about how hard I've been on myself with things I've done in the past, and I'll bet you've likely done the same thing. You see, we are so good at playing the, "do as I say, not as I do," game that we think we should be perfect in everything we do, and that mistakes are what the other person does.
Just this morning, I had an argument with my middle daughter and blew up at her on the way to take her to school. After I dropped her off I felt absolutely terrible and still feel bad as I type this. I called my wife and had a talk with her and felt somewhat vindicated as she told me that my daughter just pushed my buttons and it happens that we, as parents, can go a little overboard sometimes.
Well, I sent a text to my daughter to tell her that even though she upset me, that I was wrong to blow up at her and that I was sorry and to please forgive me and we'd talk about it after we both got home. Why do I still feel bad? I think I'm having a hard time forgiving myself for making a mistake. Hey, I'm great at forgiving others when they make a mistake. But me? Forget it!
So this is what I'm going to do. I am going to imagine that Chuck (me) is coming up to me and saying, "Chuck, I'm really sorry about this morning. I really blew it. I've been out of town the last two weeks and have been a little stressed out. Sure, she pushed my buttons, but I should have held my breath, counted to ten, and calmly talked to my daughter about her behavior. I'm sorry, please forgive me."
Wouldn't you forgive your best friend if they came up to you and said that? Of course you would! Well, guess what? You are your own best friend! It's easier to think of it that way and as I sit here typing, I feel a wave of peace coming over me and feel better already. Yes, I can forgive myself. Please, try it on yourself. It really does work. Forgiving yourself really is the beginning of moving toward the principles of FollowerShip and being the leader you know you can be and who knows? You could start to find that part of yourself that is the forgiving, loving person you know you can be to yourself.
And me and my daughter? Let's just say that I think it's nothing a little father/daughter time and an ice cream cone can't fix!
